Steve woke with a start, alert and wary. He searched the room for signs of intrusion, but it was all clear. Collapsing back on his pillow, he glanced at the clock – 3:47 a.m. He stared up at the ceiling and took a couple of deep breaths, but he couldn’t shake the worry that had settled in the pit of his stomach. After years on the battlefield, he’d learned not to ignore his gut. Steve pulled back the covers and climbed out of bed. Even if it was nothing, doing a quick check couldn’t hurt.
He stepped into the hallway, listening for any disruption in the usual nighttime sounds of the apartment. Everything appeared normal. He ducked into the dark unoccupied bathroom before making his way down the hallway towards Bucky’s room. Enclosed spaces still unnerved the ex-assassin, so he usually kept the door ajar, but tonight the door was flung open and the bed was empty. Steve’s heart raced. Between the nightmares, the lapses in memory, and the periodic triggers, Bucky out of bed was never a good sign.
Steve tip toed towards the living room and kitchen, praying that Bucky was still in the apartment. He slipped into the living room and let out the breath he’d been holding. Bucky sat at the table, his forehead resting against the heels of hands. Not wanting to startle him, Steve took a heavy step into the kitchen, the floorboards creaking under his weight. Bucky jumped at the sound and sat up, poised to attack.
Seeing his panic, Steve held out a hand. “It’s alright. You’re safe, I promise.”
He stared up at Steve, calculating whether or not he was a threat. His look was hard, but his eyes weren’t the raw, furious eyes of the Winter Soldier. Steve longed to say something, anything, to reassure Bucky that he was safe, that he would never do anything to hurt him, but he had to let Bucky come to that conclusion for himself. He’d pushed too hard on other nights like this and it always ended in cuts, bruises, and broken furniture.
After two or three tense, silent minutes, Bucky slumped back into the chair, all the fight going out of him. He stared down at his hands, flesh and metal. “I can’t remember anything,” he admitted, in a rough whisper. He looked up at Steve again, dazed and distressed. “Who am I?”
Steve took a deep breath to calm the rising fury. Even now, when Hydra no longer had control over him, the damage they’d caused continue to strip (burgle) him of his mind and dissolve (abrogate) his memories. No matter how many Hydra bases he destroyed or how many of their goons he killed or imprisoned, they would still need to pay for what they’d done to Bucky.
Moving slowly so he didn’t spook him, Steve pulled out the chair next to Bucky and sat down. “Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, but everyone calls you Bucky. You’ve had a hard life, which I can tell you all about if you want.” Tentatively, he reached out and put a gentle hand on Bucky’s knee. “But, all that matters right now is that you’re safe and I’m here to take care of you.”
Bucky nodded.“I have lots of questions,” he managed to give Steve a hint of a smile, “but let’s start with your name.”
It broke Steve’s heart, but he would willingly (lief) take on the Sisyphean task of reminding Bucky who he was if it meant keeping him at his side. “Steve Rogers, but you have an annoying habit of calling me Stevie.”
Note: Marvel owns the characters Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes. They are the creation of Joe Simon and Jack Kirby.