August 26th – Paste

Paste – v 1: to strike hard at 2: to beat or defeat soundly

He sat in the far corner of the bistro with a stunning black-haired women. They were tucked away in a dimly lit corner, heads bent close together, chatting and laughing oblivious to the world.

It had been over a year since I’d ended thing with him and it had been the right choice for me, but that had once been me and seeing him love someone else was devastating. He never saw me, but with each familiar caress, each thoughtless kiss, with each subtle laugh they pasted my heart into a pulp.

May 26th – Fulminate

Fulminate – v: to send forth censure or invectives

I lose track of his words as he fulminates against my honesty, my ability to and capacity love, my reputation and character. I listen to the indistinguishable rage of his words as they fall around me and I wish they were lies, but I know they’re not.

December 3rd – Fillip

Fillip – v 1: to strike by holding the nail of a finger against the ball of the thumb and then suddenly releasing it 2: to project by a fillip 3: to urge on

I stood behind Saffie, squatted near the edge of the cliffs. The winds whipped around us and I had long since lost the feeling in my fingers and toes.

“Come on, Saff, we came here to get rid of that thing, not moon over it.”

Saffie sighed and turned her eyes up towards me; they were glassy. “I know. It’s for the best and I know that, but -”

“But, it’s still hard,” I finished for her, squatting down next to her. “You loved him and even though he turned out to be a massive cheating asshole that doesn’t go away in a blink.”

She nodded, sniffling.

“I know it will take time, but this is a good first step to getting over that turd.”

Saffie considers the the ring in cradled in her gloved palm. She nods. “You’re right. He was a massive two-timing turd and I deserve more than this crackerjack piece of shit. I deserve a real man, who loves me enough to buy me a real engagement ring, not something he got out of a vending machine.”

She rose to her feet, took two steps towards the edge, and held the ring up between thumb and forefinger. She took a deep breath and filliped the little piece of cheap plastic over the side of the cliffs. She stared out into the night for a long moment and then whirled around.

“Okay that felt awesome! I should definitely throw more of his crap off a cliff.”

November 14th – Eighty-Six

Eighty-Six – v, slang: to refuse to serve (a customer); also: to get rid of: throw out

Chloe opened up the brand new moving box. She taped the bottom with three long pieces of clear packing tape; and with a the fattest black marker could find, she drew an eight and six on the side. Satisfied, she sat the box in the center of the livingroom and grabbed the tumbler of red wine waiting for her on the coffee table. She took an unlady like gulp of it, turning the stereo up to full blast.

Angry rock n’ roll filled the apartment. Chloe squared her shoulders, took another swig of her wine, and began to eighty-six any evidence that Gavin had ever existed. She didn’t allow herself to linger or reminisce; she took each item and without giving it another glance threw it in into the box. It might take all night, and at least two bottles of wine, but all traces of him would be gone by the time the sun came up.

October 4th – Retrocede

Retrocede – v 1: to go back: recede 2: to cede back (as a territory)

The love and affection she’d felt for Laura, the undying devotion that had advanced across her heart and mind, retroceded each day, with each petty fight and snide comment, until all she felt was detached loathing for the woman she called wife.

July 19th – Reverberate

Reverberate – v 1: reflect 2: repel 3: echo 4: to become driven back or reflected 5: to continue in or as if in a series of echoes: resound

“I don’t love you anymore.”

Her words reverberated through me, echoing and overlapping, filling me up, until nothing else remained.

July 17th – Spumescent

Spumescent – adj: frothy, foamy

“Here you go, sweetheart.” The waitress, decked out in traditional fifties garb, slid the soda glass and the stainless steel mixer cup across the counter.

Janie caught it without looking up, but mumbled her thanks. Tears stinging her eyes, she looked down into the chocolate milkshake, cold and spumescent, crowned with whip cream and cherry and sighed. She pulled the straw paper cap off the straw and took a long sip. The milkshake melted in her mouth, perfect, rich, and chocolatey.

Janie sighed and sniffed back her tears. The milkshake wouldn’t heal her broken, twelve-year-old heart, but for the moment the pain of Rob’s rejection was reduced to a dull ache.

March 13 – Grog

Grog – n: alcoholic liquor, especially: liquor (as rum) cut with water and now often served with lemon juice and sometimes sugar

“One grog, please,” I muttered at the bartender as I collapsed on the empty bar stool.

Ginny was gone. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I had taken her for granted and now she was gone. I had driven her with my stupidity and my lies.

I let my head fall to the bar with a thunk and just laid there, while I waited for the bartender to bring me whatever bottom of the barrel liquor I could afford. I didn’t have many comforts, but I could drink myself into a stupor. At least when I was shitfaced I wouldn’t remember that I had once had and had now lost a girl like Ginny.

A glass scraped against the wood of the bar. “Here’s your grog.”

I didn’t lift my head, but turned to look at it. The amber liquid looked inviting. With a great effort, I lifted my head and took the glass in my hand. I held it under my nose and the smell of lemons wafted up from the glass.

“What is this?” I asked the bartender, as he turned back to the baseball game on the TV behind the bar.

“Grog,” he replied over his shoulder. “Rum with a little bit water and lemon juice. Not an order you see very often.”

I looked down at the drink. “Oh I didn’t know it was an actual drink. I just thought it was crappy booze.” I shrugged and threw the drink back.

Me Before You

 

I knew that Me Before You was going to break my heart before I even opened it.  On Goodreads.com, you could almost see the tear stains on the digital reviews, but I had bought it on a whim and books I buy I read.  So, even though I knew this book was going to break my heart I started it.

Jojo Moyes made me fall in love with Will and Lou hope for them even as the inevitable ending of the book stared me in the face.  I enjoyed every moment of this wonderfully quirky and thoughtful and heart wrenching novel, but in the end it broke my heart just like I knew it would.  I even put down the book for two full days with only about thirty pages left because I just wan’t ready for the heartache.  

When I finally did finish Me Before You my heart did break, but strangely enough I didn’t shed any tears.  Instead the book haunted me; it changed the way I saw the world for days later.  It made me grateful for my life and the life of my partner; it made me want to do and see more; it made me really think about life and how I wanted to live mine.

I believe a story has to earn the right to break my heart and Me Before You earned that right.  And in the end, I was glad to have my heart broken.